What if you want to feel a connection to Mother Mary, but don’t?

Whilst I often hear about people’s love for Mother Mary, sometimes I also hear of people struggling to make a connection with her. They may love other emanations of the Divine Feminine – such as Goddess Isis, Kali Ma, Kuan Yin or Freya, but not really be able to connect with Mother Mary.

Recently I read an online comment where someone shared that they loved Mother Mary in a way that they couldn’t understand, didn’t relate to them personally on a religious level, and felt like a special grace that they had been given to love her that way. I felt so much joy reading that. It reminded me of the tantric teachings regarding goddess Lalita – that being motivated and inspired enough to pray to her, to perform puja or ritual, is a sign that she has favoured us.

Does that mean that we are only loved by Mary if we love her? No! In the story of Guadalupe, the fierce and gentle Black Madonna of Mexico, Our Lady explains her bond with us. When the indigenous man to whom Mary appeared at the sacred site of Tepeyac, Juan Diego, expressed his doubts to Her, she responds in a moving way which strengthens his faith to continue on his quest.

The Madonna of Guadalupe say, “I am your loving Mother, yours, and all who are with you, and of all who live in this land, and of all who love me, call to me, and trust in me. I will hear their cries and will give remedy to their sorrows and sufferings.”

As Christ was nearing death on the Cross, Our Lady and the apostle John stood close to him. The New Testament Gospel of John tells us that Christ said to John that Mary was his mother, and to Mary, that John was his son. Actually, we don’t know who the disciple was – he is not named – but it is assumed it was John. Christ signifies that Mary is mother to all, not just one or two.

Mary is unusually revered in the religions of Christianity, Islam and Judaism. Her appeal extends beyond the religious, into the spiritual and yet there can be initial difficulty in connecting with her for some aspirants on the path.

Mother Mary, rather like the more worldly Madonna, seems to evoke polarised responses
From extreme devotion to denigration, and then everything in between. Although many have shared with me just how much they love the Mother Mary oracle, for example, I remember the sincere concern expressed by a woman who was passionate about my work – which is fairly wide-ranging and spiritually diverse – but struggled to connect with the Mother Mary oracle. It wasn’t the deck, per se, it was ‘something about Mary’.

Recently I saw a comment online that described Mary as Isis stripped of her power. I have also heard her described as an anti-feminist, a good girl, a daughter of the patriarchy, who follows the rules and does what she is told.

Even if we take Mary’s story solely from biblical canon, this doesn’t sit right with me. She risked being stoned to death for being an unwed mother. That’s some serious spiritual skin in the game, so to speak. There are connections with Our Lady that I have found with the Goddess Kali, our Dark Divine Mother too.

However, I want to say two things here specifically for those that are struggling to connect with Mother Mary.

Firstly – not feeling a connection to Mother Mary is OK. If your belief system is working for you, and your path is leading you through greater evolution and healing in your life, then that is wonderful. I believe the Divine is profoundly generous and offers multiple forms of devotion, practice and pursuit so every heart will be able to find something that resonates and attain spiritual relief.

Secondly – if that belief system is not working for you, and/or you are willing to confront it because you have the spiritually ambitious spirit of Ishtar (ie no barrier to complete experience shall deter you!), then I offer this –

When has the patriarchy ever told the truth about a woman? The answer to that, of course, is never.

As a side note, I see Ishtar and Mary as synergised through planet Venus, but we can discuss that another time.

If we look at the definition of power thru patriarchal lens, we end up with power as obvious outer and worldly. That is one type of power and an extremely limited definition of it and potentially a spiritually self-defeating one. The Divine Feminine power as I experience it through the activities of Our Lady is accomplishing power.

Mother Mary gets things done – yet her signature is often only sensed in the aftermath. Whilst the effect is palpable, her mechanism or process of accomplishing is subtle. I compare it to the lingering fragrance of her perfume in the room, when you didn’t even realise she was there sorting things out.

To know the Divine Feminine, including Our Lady, it is helpful to recognise the patriarchal consciousness that we are swimming about it, and how it skews our vision. Then we can consciously raise our awareness to the heart. In the heart, we are able to feel and sense in an alternative way, to be like those wonderful flying fish that may dwell in water but know how to grab some quality air-time when necessary for their evolutionary thriving! We lift ourselves spiritually to see and know beyond conventional beliefs.  

Let’s get very clear about what patriarchy is and is not. It is not men against women, or masculine dominating feminine. It is a system of operation that privileges power over love. Patriarchal values pull us away from of hearts, orienting us towards the idea that people are things to be utilised, not precious living beings with uniqueness and dignity. 

Patriarchy is a system that spiritually benefits no-one. We need to outgrow it. We are outgrowing it. Matriarchy isn’t the answer. It is also grounded in power. We need to birth a new way – hence the critical importance of the sacred womb of Mary in our consciousness. I believe that new way is individuation which can only arise as we connect with, and value, love. Love is essential for healing and evolution. Individuation – or learning to become your true self in a world that pressures you to conform – is hard work and we need love to be able to accomplish it. Then it bestows many gifts, including a capacity to embrace difference whilst recognising unity.

The key point here is – don’t limit yourself to what you’ve heard. If you feel intrigued or interested enough to criticise, then (perhaps surprisingly to you) you actually already have a connection with Mother Mary.

 Maybe consider agreeing to experience Our Lady personally and directly to find out who the real divine woman is beneath the stories. This is also how we claim Magdalene’s sacred passion from the wreckage of dismissive declarations that she was a prostitute that Christ took pity on (what a diminishing version of that great love story!). It is how we realise that fierce mother goddess Kali possesses a vast and liberating kindness.  

And so, with Mother Mary, and any enlightened being that you want to feel a connection with, I encourage you to consider the reality of your experience which only comes from intimacy and that does require an open heart and a leap of faith.

It has been my experience that Mary is the Divine Feminine, assuming human form, and walking the world in this dimension, and continuing to engage with us as a being of enormous compassion and spiritual power, out of love. All sincere hearts wanting to know her will be granted many chances to do so in the ways that are kindest and most effective.

To me, Mary is accomplishing wisdom. She will work her miraculous will in our lives but demands that we find our confidence and faith in her and in ourselves. She has helped me find a strength and sassiness within that the world has never told me is OK. She rebels in order to align with a greater love. That is the way of all mystics, and often why they can end up in trouble with established authority figures. But again, that’s another story.

The path to her is there for you if you want it. I have created many offerings to support you in accessing her, but the path that unfolds is within your heart. Only you can give her permission to reside there. She is there for you if you want her. Actually, she’s there for you regardless, but you don’t need to force anything on your spiritual path, and my great passion is to protect your spiritual freedom to choose your way, based on your own heart resonance.

This offering is not about convincing someone to love Mary if their path genuinely leads them elsewhere, but to open the way and clear doubt for those that do have a connection with her, and need to disentangle it from doctrine, politics, conditioning or anything else that is interfering, and live it as a personal, perhaps unconventional yet real, experience of divine maternal bonding.

With all the freedom and warmth that I can share with you, I encourage you to open your heart to where you are being led and don’t intellectually prefigure things. Remain open to what might be … and may what you find on your way be truly blessed.

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